ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
