1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
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