Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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