They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
