I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Randomize
