i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
