he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
There's a naked man in my car right now.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
