i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
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Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
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It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
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