This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
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