so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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