So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
pray to the hookup gods
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
