I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
4 words: hood of his car
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
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