If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Randomize
