I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
