I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
