He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
