At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
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