She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
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