New low: just hacked my moms facebook
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
