dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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