..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
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