yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Randomize
