New invention idea: vibrating tampons
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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