Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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