The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
