You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Randomize
