Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I think my nap took me to another dimension
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
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