I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
