Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
