I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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