party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Randomize
