census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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