Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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