I just pynch a tree in the face
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
