Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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