My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize