dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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