hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
