if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
I smell like Dick and happiness
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
