Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
