She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
