I must be too annoying 4 u.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize
