i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize