I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
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