remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
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it was like eating out sand paper
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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