I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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