I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Randomize
