How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
This is classic penis vs brain.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
