i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
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