Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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