I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
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