I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
Randomize
