Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
I just googled if crying burns calories
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Randomize
