like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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