First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
