i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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