I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
I will pee on everything he values.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
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