There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
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He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
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I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
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