I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
You did what with his pubic hair?
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
