I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
