ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Randomize
