i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize
