So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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