She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
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