It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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