I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
I want to fling myself into the sun
Why is there bacon in the couch?
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