Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Randomize
