im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Randomize
