New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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