after a month anything with tits is on the radar
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
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