I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Randomize
