Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Randomize
