chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
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